The turned-on idea

You know an idea that you’ve had is a good one, when it literally turns you on. When the little shiver of excitement you get from your brilliant idea reaches all the way down to your between thighs, you have to peruse this idea. How often do we actually feel this way? When was the last time you experienced such a bright flash of inspiration that you made you feel tingly or wet or hard? Has it even happened? If not, why not? Perhaps that is a better question to ask: why not?

Our bodies are magical, they really are. Without them we’d be well, dead, der. But perhaps I mean to say that without exerting our will over it (as much as we can do) it becomes a neglected wasteland. And really, that’s an insult to the Universe/God/creator/whatever, that somehow put us here on Earth in these vessels called bodies. And bodies communicate all the time. Behaviour communicates all the time. In children, their primary language and form of communication is via the body. In babies, this is even more primitive; their only way to communicate is through pure emotion. And it’s up to the adult(s) around them to make the best sense they can of these expressions of emotion and of later behaviours, and to respond appropriately. This is attunement at its most basic. The more a parent/caregiver is tuned into their baby/child, the better able this baby/child is able to thrive and ultimately learn to attune to themselves.

I wonder how many of us as adults are attuned to ourselves. I confess to be quite guilty of ignoring and over-riding obvious (let alone more subtle) messages from my body. I’ll drink coffee when I’m tired instead of taking a nap (but wait – I have quit coffee Yes it is possible and I deserve a medal. Just sayin’). I’ll stay up late watching Youtube or porn (or sometimes both) when I need to sleep. I’ll eat crap, I’ll drink too much (have also quit this; seriously, a trophy is in order now), I’ll hang out with people or at places that I don’t want to. In my past, I’d hookup with guys my body was saying no to. I’d use my body to get approval. If someone thinks I’m fuckable, that’s a good thing right?


Thank fuck I’m at a better place in my life now to make better choices with my body and behaviour. Whilst I do feel a little self-righteous at my recent quitting of caffeine and booze (and this came about after a particularly toxic weekend where my body started screaming at me to listen to it. Slow learner much?), it has given me a sense of being more in tune and sensitive to my body and my feelings. Whether that’s a placebo effect or not I don’t know; and really who cares either way. If I believe it’s helping and I believe I see evidence of that, then, meh, it’s working.

A turned on idea is an indication of a person attuned to their body and their life. They’re tapped in on some level to a source greater than them, and they are able to allow that and trust that. It’s surrender at it’s most profound and most simplest. But we all know that surrender is never easy. Whether it’s surrendering to deep pleasure and the most joyous experience of sex (in however one interprets sex (or play) to be), or surrender to ‘signs’ that something we want so dearly is just not going to happen. A lot needs to happen in the ego for surrender to occur. We essentially need to get out of our own way (and our own heads) in order to stay open, surrendered, flexible and willing. We have to be willing to take a risk and to allow ourselves to feel all the subtle nuances of life, both outside of our bodies and inside. Shits always talking to us, but do you hear?

The turned-on idea lights you up. It’s a fuck-yes loud and clear. It’s an instant response before the mind kicks in with all its doubts and insecurities and endless verbose bullshit about how you could never do XYZ. It’s intuition that diffuses immediately throughout the body and wakes up your genitals. If it turns you on, it’s a good thing.

And I’m not talking about turned on from external stimulus like crushing on someone or flirting or kissing or fantasising or watching porn. It’s a signal that is coming from within. It’s your little connection to the Universe within and without, but way without. It bypasses the radio station of the head and goes (or comes from) something much bigger than all of us. The turned-on idea is a messenger. It’s a gift.

And it must be heard.

A turned-on idea cannot be heard if we’re not willing to listen. And if we’re so far from listening to ourselves/our bodies that the idea of this seems like a preposterous impossibility, it will never be heard because we swiftly learn to silence it.

How tuned-in are to your body? Specifically, when you’re in an act of pleasure – whether self or alone – are you really allowing yourself to feel everything? Are you moving in slow motion or are you pounding so hard it surely has to create some sort of sensation? Actually, lets talk pounding. Or more accurately at times, jack-hammering. A good pounding can be fucking brilliant. It can be deep, intense and satisfying. For a guy, it can give a sense of really fucking and fucking hard. And sometimes we all need a good deep hard fucking. I tend to find though, that if this is the go-to method of sex (in whatever capacity that sex is), there’s a problem. Endless pounding can numb everyone involved out. It can start to feel pointless or worse, painful. The recipient might learn to brace themselves against such endless regular pounding; to cut themselves off from feeling. For the giver, it can feel like a desperate attempt to feel something anything. It can scream of ignorance and fear and of immaturity. And hey, we’ve all been there.

A pounding method (so to speak) can show up in life too. Because the external always mirrors the internal. Is there a sense of pounding one’s way through life? Are you a bull in a China shop just hoping not to cause too much damage? Or do you want to damage (nothing wrong with that in the right context aka BDSM and identifying as a sadist)? And why might that be?

Pounding can be so ‘loud’ it can deafen everything else. Maybe you don’t want to hear, and again I might ask, why is that?

On the flipside to pounding is the disconnection or shutting up shop that can occur for the same reasons. Being pounded when you don’t want to be but not speaking up creates an intense disconnection to the body. And a self-disrespect too. Blocks start builds up in the silence that one is swimming in because one simple can’t say no. Here, the body is just as communicative (and clever!) in that it will not only disconnect from feeling, it will go numb and it might go to disorder or disease. It may also hurt, and the disconnection may show up in dissociation; a classic symptom of trauma. If you experience this, get help, now.

How many of us have or still do treat our bodies like this? Fighting our way through life (because that’s what masculinity is right? Right?) or quietly fading into subservience and suffering (because that’s what femininity is right?). We will never experience true pleasure or the joy of a turned-on idea if this is our conditioned and go-to state.

Wake up.


Feel. Slow down. Be willing.

Open. Trust. Cry.

Get help with the process if you need to.

Tune in and feel into yourself. Be willing to feel what a turned-on idea is like; feel the fear that may come up with it – because you know you have to take action once you experience an idea that turns you on. To do nothing with this subtlety intense communication is more than a shame, it’s bullshit.

It’s always talking; are you listening?

Published by The Pleasure Advocate

A pleasure seeker like every human, I have a background in therapy and health, and am a passionate student of human sexuality. I'm a pleasure-inclusive sex educator, writer, lover, mother, and sexual explorer. May (consensual!) pleasure be yours always, Melanie x

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