There is something to be said for waiting. On the whole, I admit I am not a good ‘waiter’. I am frequently impatient and irritable when I have to wait; and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Over the years, I have managed to ease this a little by using these moments (or minutes – or hours or days or months, try having a baby!) more constructively. This has occurred because I have changed my thinking around waiting, and I see the choices I still have available to me when I have to wait. I can grunt and groan, swear, and work myself up into a frenzy, or I can choose to accept that in this moment or period of time, this is where I’m at. No point fighting it if nothing is going to change.

Many things are well and truly out of our control; the quicker we lean into that truth, the easier our lives will be.

Waiting for an orgasm is an interesting phenomenon. Whether it’s consciously choosing to delay it, or a lack of time, edging-play (intentionally getting close to orgasm then pulling back), or orgasm-denial (common in BDSM circles), waiting can create a powerful outcome. When the orgasm finally is allowed to erupt, it is like crossing into uncharted territories of pleasure as the energy is finally released from the body.

I’ve often noticed this for me. As much as I like think I’m a highly-sexed female (and on the whole I am) and I think about fucking a lot, it’s not often that I’m desperate for an orgasm (or two) everyday. Sometimes fuck yes, sometimes fuck no. I’d say this is related to the menstrual and ovulation cycles and the hormones that go and up down each month. Plus the zillions of other things that get in the way of a fuck-session whether that’s internally or externally to one’s life.

Sure, I’m pretty happy to fuck everyday but as many women would know, getting (no wait, I mean ‘having’; getting implies something quite different and gives it a sense of permission… from whom?) an orgasm during penetrative heterosexual sex is a hit-and-miss (around 60%, and a fair portion of those would be incorporating stimulating the clitoris too). Lesbians however, have a much higher orgasm hit-rate during sex; FYI) affair.

(Regarding the glorious clitoris, I will be doing an entire series on both female and male sexual anatomy soon and will be comprehensively covering the clitoris. All hail the clitoris!)

Waiting for – or perhaps more accurately delaying – an orgasm can make this all worth while. The potency of these orgasms make them worthwhile. There’s the build up of sexual energy that speeds up the time taken to orgasm when you finally get a chance to do so. I know for some men when this happens, the amount of cum produced and the distance it travels appears greater and further. You can literally see the pent up sexual energy leaving the body.

In Tantric and Daoist sex practices, not ‘losing’ the sexual energy to orgasm – and circulating around the body – is called sublimating. You can learn to activate your kundalini energy (which sits at the base of the spine, coiled like a snake and it can be visualised as a snake) and sublimate (sort of like cultivate and use for alternative purposes) it for creative energetic purposes. Sexual energy is creative energy, and is associated with the second (orange-coloured) chakra. The base (root) chakra is red, and is between the genitals and the anus; where the kundalini sits. It makes enormous sense to me that activating this energy sexually but not letting it escape the body straight away produces creative alternatives and eventual incredibly ecstatic orgasms.

Sexual energy not released or used in a healthy way becomes pathological, diseased and dangerous. We’ve all seen how denial and suppression of sexual impulses can become extremely toxic and damaging in our society.

What is denied will always find a way out and through. It must be heard and seen and expressed. Literally. It’s just the way it is and we all have a choice about how we accept and work with this non-negotiable fact of life.

But seriously, who wouldn’t want to feel this energy? Those that are afraid of it are the ones who try to deny and control it the most. The intense sexual pleasure we all can experience has kept the human race going for millennia – how powerful is that? How clever of the Universe to do this. We not only have the urge to merge and reproduce, but to feel fucking good while we do it. Pun intended. And in 2020, there’s not reason why everyone can’t experience deep pleasure and life-changing orgasms in their lives.

Even if it means waiting for it.

Savouring the energy; feeling it pulse through your genitals and move into your body, knowing that you can’t release it just yet, is intoxicating. Because you know that finally when you get to orgasm, it’s going to blow your freakin’ socks off.

And isn’t that what we all need right now?

Published by The Pleasure Advocate

A pleasure seeker like every human, I have a background in therapy and health, and am a passionate student of human sexuality. I'm a pleasure-inclusive sex educator, writer, lover, mother, and sexual explorer. May (consensual!) pleasure be yours always, Melanie x

2 thoughts on “Waiting

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