Discombobulating times

I felt quite stuck about what to write about today. And after a good amount of procrastination, I’ve finally sat down on this Monday to write; hours after I usually do. I have been thinking a lot about the notions of letting go and surrender, but realised I have already written about that and quite recently.

So what is going on?

I am loathe to admit it, but I – along with millions of others – am feeling quite out-of-sorts and discombobulated (I mean seriously, could there be a better word to describe current world events?). At home in my little safe zone, I feel safe and protected. Venturing out to the supermarket however becomes a bit of a minefield. Am I standing or walking to close to someone? How am I going to fit the trolley down the aisle when there is someone else already in it? Am I social distancing enough? Has this trolley been wiped down before I touched it? Where the fuck should I put my hands on the trolley that’s not covered in filthy disease?

And where the fuck is all the toilet paper??

Rather rapidly, the world has turned upside down. But also rather rapidly, I’ve found myself adapting (adapt or die, really) and getting used to half empty shelves, limited contact with the outside world, hand sanitising or washing the hell out of my hands (moisturiser consumption is going through the roof), and compulsively checking the news.

Life is changing as nature shows us who’s boss. That something so small it can’t be seen with the naked eye can have such a significant impact throughout the world, shows us that. It shows us the power of the minute and micro, on the macro.

How do we go about our days and our ways with all of this chaos and fear? Is anyone still having sex right now? Where can an orgasm exist within the contracting and restrictive nature of this virus? A virus that cuts us off from others as we all hide away, fearful of catching it or fearful of spreading it.

What we can do is go about our days with as much regularity and routine as we can have. There is something to be said for the safety of a routine. Our lives on the whole are very structured in the Western world. We have clocks and deadlines and walls and limits. We have barriers, rules and policies. Policies up the waa-zoo in some instances.

The structures which we previously lived within, one could say, stem from a somewhat unhealthy masculine-type energy. The healthy masculine (yang energy) has edges, lines, rules, structure, force, leadership, power, engages in doing, holds and creates safety. Unhealthy masculine evokes competition and winning at all costs, it bullies, runs away, tries to fix without listening, can be violent, aggressive, cold and distant, is afraid of failure and endlessly strives for goals, always seeking success (at any cost) and praise. That energy can be very disconnected, creating separation, fear and wars.

When we look at healthy feminine energy we see flow, receptivity, welcoming, birthing and creating, balanced feelings, compassion, wisdom and playfulness, connection, deep intuition, vulnerability and authenticity. The flipside to this of course is a picture of victimy, insecure and bitchy energy. It closes off, nags, judges, is needy, fearful, desperate, people-pleasing, self-sacrificing, manipulative and fearful. Emotions swamp and overwhelm the body in this state.

And there is no balance in either unhealthy form.

(For a good summary of this, and from where I have taken this information, go to this site. I did some tantra training through this school a few years ago).

What we’re talking about really is opposites. And of problems of being very out of balance. Too much masculine and/or too much unhealthy masculine in a society can cause just as many problems as not enough feminine and/or too much unhealthy feminine energy. This is where we can have a sense of discombobulation; where everything is confused and unbalanced.

Perhaps we’re seeing this played out in the world right now: mass confusion, fear, fighting (for toilet paper, I’m so over that), restriction, rigidity and sickness. It’s like the human race is in a deep state of dis-ease. There are scenes of mass hysteria, of intense neediness, closed boarders, fear and desperation. Hardly a balanced world right now, as we all watch numbers climb and the world close down in an effort to fight the unseeable.

In our own ways then, we must ensure we are still balanced. That internally we are healthy and connected and still alive. If you’re reading this you clearly are alive! As best you can, stick to your routines, but enact some flexibility. This is a healthy combination of the masculine (routine) and feminine (flexibility). If you can’t have sex right now, at least have sex with yourself. Rise that beautiful ecstatic orgasmic energy throughout your body. Remember that life and energy go on, despite worldwide pandemics.

We still have control over what we do in our bedrooms and how we choose to behaviour with each other and ourselves intimately. Strive for this as a way to stay connected. Strive for balance, but relax if this isn’t possible right now. Consider using this time to learn or practice something new or long forgotten. Do an online course around sex/sexuality/orgasms/advanced origami. Teach yourself how to have multiple orgasms. Practice meditation in whatever form works for you. Try a different style of yoga.

Personally right now I’m doing a 5 day free yoni egg immersion course, via Rosie Rees (her site is here. It’s where I buy all my yoni eggs. The yoni is the vagina by the way!). I’m also considering do a free class via Self Cervix on sexual and cervical awakening during times of stress (yes these are both only options for people with a vagina). I’m also learning about the manifestations of fear in the body; having watched a free webinar by Inna Segal. Seriously, there is so much content and opportunity out there, use it!

Or, take things slow and come back to yourself right now. Practice being with yourself. Practice stopping doing and just be. Practice finding some balance. Practice exploring where the unhealthy masculine or unhealthy feminine is evident in your life. Seek to change this, really change it.

Find a way through times of confusion, irrationality and fear, to be clear, calm and engaged. Be creative in how you do this, for there is always an opportunity for new growth even amongst the decaying and the old.

Find your balance and right yourself. Be well x

Published by The Pleasure Advocate

A pleasure seeker like every human, I have a background in therapy and health, and am a passionate student of human sexuality. I'm a pleasure-inclusive sex educator, writer, lover, mother, and sexual explorer. May (consensual!) pleasure be yours always, Melanie x

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